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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Dance with Dragons by George RR Martin (A Song of Fire and Ice #5)

A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire #5)A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Jacket Blurb:  In the aftermath of a colossal battle, Daenerys Targaryen rules with her three dragons as queen of a city built on dust and death. But Daenerys has thousands of enemies, and many have set out to find her. Fleeing from Westeros with a price on his head, Tyrion Lannister, too, is making his way east--with new allies who may not be the ragtag band they seem. And in the frozen north, Jon Snow confronts creatures from beyond the Wall of ice and stone, and powerful foes from within the Night's Watch. In a time of rising restlessness, the tides of destiny and politics lead a grand cast of outlaws and priests, soldiers and skinchangers, nobles and slaves, to the greatest dance of all.

Game of Thrones (1st ed 1991)
A Clash of Kings (1st ed 1998)   yup...7 year wait.
A Storm of Swords (1st ed 2000)  whew!  2 years.
A Feast for Crows (1st ed 2005)  damn, 5 years this time.
Dance with Dragons (1st ed 2012)  another 7 year wait.  Was it worth it?  No, not really.

My plot summary (I'm assuming you've read the first four or have a passing acquaintance with the series):

Tyrion went from point A to point B and really didn't accomplish anything other than being the most interesting part of the book despite nothing happening!

Jon stayed at the wall and pissed everyone off. 

Stannis marched on Bolton and got stuck in the snow, "Winter is coming!"

Reek got stuck between Bolton and Stannis.

Bran got stuck in a cave.

Daenerys spends most of her time wringing her hands, "But I'm just a young girl!" while everyone is telling her to take the damn dragons and wreak some havoc and chaos!  What good are dragons if you can't inflict some mayhem? 

It's almost as if the multiple plots have gotten out of control and GRRM doesn't quite know how to pull all the various strings back in to make a strong cohesive story. 

This was a rather grandiose, overly bloated, transition book about feasts lavish enough to make the Food Network envious, clothing descriptions to rival Project Runway, a Kim Kardashian-style (aka - pointless) wedding, and guts/shit/flux/flies and carnage enough to turn a strong person off their dinner. 

Ultimately, there was a lot of repetitive statements, such as "words are wind" and "being as useless as nipples on a breastplate". People were kinda moving around on the playing field unless they were stuck in the snow or bobbing around at sea. As for the numerous endings - which all felt the same - the reader is left once again clutching at their breast, gasping for air, wailing and tearing their hair at the cliffhangers.  

Well, no, not really that bad; mostly I just tossed the book aside in disgust, knowing that it may very well be another 5 years before we know who lives and who dies, and by that time I just won't care.   Actually, I don't care now - too many years pass between the books and I'm losing interest.

Reek. Reek, the book was weak.

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